In their first sentence, they asked for a job. Didn’t beat around the bush. Didn’t ask about opportunities. Didn’t hint at the desire to work with/for me. Full-on asked for a job at McBeard.

I wrote a simple and kind reply, but the more I thought about it, I thought I might write a more thorough post on how to cold-pitch people for jobs or gigs or freelance work. I wish someone had written this to me when I was 22.

So, my advice:

1. Don’t directly ask for a job.

Don’t do it. Ever. Especially not in your first email to a stranger. It’s just presumptive and rude. I don’t know you, I don’t know your work. You don’t know me. You don’t even know if you want to work for me. I could be a terrible, manipulative boss who will literally steal money from you.

As it turns out, I’m a nice guy who works hard, but gets annoyed when strangers a) ask for a job, b) pitch him ideas for books or movies or TV shows, or c) ask for a job.

Friends are different. Family is different. Contacts from networking events are different (but only slightly). But strangers… don’t do it.

2. Seriously, don’t ask for a job.

There are a thousand better ways of getting to the employment question. You can ask to learn more about my company, or my work, or how I got here. You can ask me a few pointed questions, because you’re interested in the nature of creative and compelling copywriting. You could offer to take me to lunch. You could ask if I’m the appropriate person to talk to about freelance opportunities, because you don’t want to waste my time.  Asking for something that costs me less is a much better (and more successful) tactic.

Asking for a job in your first contact is like asking me out on a date. You drive up. Adjust your tie. Walk up to my door. Ring the doorbell. But before I can even open the door, you shout, “I’M READY FOR THE SEX NOW!!!!”

Seriously, it’d be better to just ask for something that requires less as a first step. You get more wins that way.

3. Paint yourself as a capable person with a positive attitude.

In the email, this person started out saying that they wanted to be a writer, but couldn’t bring themselves to write a novel or be a journalist. So they settled on “copywriter.” Bad move. You let me know that you’re a settler. That there are things you can and won’t do.

Unfortunately, I want to hire people who are successful in whatever they touch.

My company gets work from well-known international companies who love our book, but they don’t hire us to write funny tweets or publish a best-selling book for them. We do more than that. They hire us because a) we are easy-going and professional (the lowest bar possible), and b) our work — no matter what they ask us to do — is killer. We deliver every time, no matter what crazy stuff they ask for.

Don’t sell yourself short. It makes you look unfit to do the work.

4. Don’t send a resume (or offer to send a resume).

The pitch email is your resume. Don’t tell me you can write solid copy. The words you write in the email is the test of that. That’s how the world works now. No one judges you off your resume. You get judged on your work and your relationship and whatever I can Google about you.

Instead, include a link — maybe two, if you have them — to something AMAZING that you’ve done. It’s low commitment for me (again, I’m a stranger) to click on it and look at your work — and it makes it easier on me — without having to commit to answering you back to get it. That’s socially awkward for a guy in my position. And guys in my position will never do it. They’ll never answer you back asking for a resume. But they would (and I would) click on a link to something amazing.

But (big “but”), it HAS to be amazing to get my attention. Or a response.

5. Do some research about me.

I have a lot of lures out there, in the internet. Sites with my name on them. It’d be easy to Google my name and learn something important. When it comes to seeking a job, you’d probably stumble onto the McBeard “About us” page where we say “we’re a small shop” and list only three employees. If we only have three people — and two of us are co-founders — then our chances of hiring (and growing our company by 33% with one hire) is relatively low.

But it also means we’re hard-working guys who are hustling for their work. And that we probably appreciate people doing the same. Given the right offer (see #2 above), we’d probably reply to anyone.

Even personal stuff. You’ll find a lot of information about me. I wrote screenplays, I have a kid. I live in Los Angeles. I went to Pepperdine. That all helps inform the kind of email you write to me.

In conclusion…

I hope you don’t read the above and think, “Geez, what a douche. Take a Xanax and get back to me.”

Hopefully it’s a gut check if you need one. Or if you’re a person in a position to hire, you agree with some of it.

In any case, I want to stress mastery in the lost art of “thinking about how someone will read this” when writing emails, especially when asking for something.

Copywriting and creative work is about expressing your ideas to others. Your emails should be no different.

I’ve seen enough “nail in the coffin” and “last Streamys ever” updates on Twitter.  They get it.  They did a bad job.

There are a lot of people who have meticulously deconstructed why the show went wrong, from the bad opening number to the streakers to the embarrassing technical glitches (in a room full of nerds, no less) the “nobody cares about online video” man-on-the-street video to the way-too-long and obscene “comedy” bits.

As an IAWTV member and someone who knows the show’s executive producers Marc, Drew, Brady, and Josh personally — I’ll add this to the conversation: just one year ago, this didn’t even exist.

This was an event that literally didn’t exist a year ago.  And though I think the show was really bad and a detriment to the  momentum we all feel about online video, people are calling for heads to roll.  Really?

Without the Tubefilter guys, would this even exist?  No.  Would there be a community as thriving as there is in Los Angeles?  No.  So let’s back off a little, because these guys aren’t money-grubbing, smarmy used car salesmen.  Trust me, they’re taking this seriously and will come forward with a plan.  That doesn’t happen in 24 hours.

Do I think this was a bad show that showcased the juvenile nature of the Web against its more established media counterparts?  Yes. But the result — the backbiting and negative comments — are proving the other stereotype of the Internet: not unlike the comments on a YouTube video, a lot of people are hating on something they don’t want to do (or couldn’t do) themselves.  These guys built this from nothing.  Give them a break.

BEHIND THE FRUSTRATION

I wonder if a lot of the frustration with the show is because there feels like something was lost.  A naive dream, perhaps.  Web series creators, including the majority of people in that theatre, make little money and can’t support themselves doing it like their TV or film counterparts.  Surely, a Streamy Awards show debacle doesn’t help them getting closer to “sustainable living,” but surely the big payoff wasn’t so close that the Streamys ruined it.

The sad truth is that, for most online content producers (and offline for that matter), there is very little income to be spread around right now, and for independents who are also “up and comers” — myself included — there is a smaller and smaller pie.  Celebrities that you might normally see on TV and movies are taking advantage of online opportunities (such as Kevin Pollak, Tony Hale, Zach Galifianakis, Illeana Douglas) to have more creative control and ownership over their work.  Traditional media companies and ad agencies are looking for “sure things” from people with TV/film experience.  Sure, there are indies that get funding and/or distribution.  But for every Bannen Way, there’s a thousand Web series that won’t make a cent.

It’s tough to be independent.  But it’s just tough in general.  That’s the entertainment business, regardless of medium.  The road for online producers/creators/writers isn’t an easy one.  And you can’t blame the Streamy Awards this year for you not getting what you want.

If you want to make Web videos, do it. And keep doing it.  Just like the Oscars and Emmys — just do what you do and let the awards take care of themselves.

But don’t look to the Tubefilter guys as scapegoats.  If you want things to change, offer to help.  I’m sure they’re all ears to real criticism if offered with a helping hand.

[Some updates made above to my rhetoric and logic, after some comments called them out below.]

The home page, like every other university web site out there, has a large photo-centric center section that corresponds with a recent news-ish story.

There’s a tiny bit of interactivity with the mouse on LMU’s page, however, and despite how subtle it is, it really works. It got me to stick around the page minutes longer than I otherwise would, and it just makes it more fun.

Quantifiable? No. It’s a surprise a little feature like this made it through the various discussions that I know happen at institutions of higher learning (“Will people get it?” “Is it too flashy?” “Will this make us look too hip/trendy/fun?”).

Way to go, LMU. It almost makes up for your crazy, almost unreadable URL-naming system:

• Admissions = http://www.lmu.edu/page76.aspx
• Contact Us = http://www.lmu.edu/page70.aspx
• Quick Facts = http://www.lmu.edu/pagefactory.aspx?PageID=110

Give bloggers a chance, will ya?

You know.  Blatant rip-offs of the Got Milk? ad campaign? (Side note: did you know that the Aaron Burr Got Milk? commercial was directed by Michael Bay?)

On trucks, billboards, sidewalks, and signs.  I see another one and think, “Got Creativity?”

Nope.  They don’t.

Here are a couple of my faves.  If I see more, I’ll make it into a series.  If you see any, send me a link or the photo itself.

Got Fish?

Got Hope?

Got Aloha? Just slightly worse than Got Surf? and Got Maui?